A Knock at the Door

Melissa Rae's photo.When word releases that an officer is down, it usually hits the “blue line family” before the general public. During that time, every spouse of a LEO must keep this information to themselves and it leads to a lot of reflection.

At first,my mind always goes to that family and what they are going through. My heart aches when I hear the fallen’s name and see their face; when I see the wife and the children, tears can’t be stopped.

Then I do what every LEO wife does- something we tell each other not to do- but can’t stop if we tried. We imagine what it would be like to get tha
t messenger at the door. We imagine what it would be like to hear the hard knock on the door, look out the window (because as a LEOW you never open the door before seeing who is outside) and seeing squads that don’t bear your husband’s number. Your hand shaking as you open the door, shutting your eyes hard and praying that when you open the door you will just wake up from this nightmare that has visited on many a lonely night. Perhaps my son would bound over to the door, excited to see his friends from the department. Maybe he would see the squads too and think his daddy is stopping over for his lunch break. How would I explain to my son? How would I pick up the shattered pieces of our life- a family of four- and rebuild it as a family of three?

My imagination can run wild with the possibilities after kissing my own officer goodbye at the beginning of his shift, but for one woman last night, that kiss was truly goodbye. Please remember the fallen officers, remember that they were arriving to a call for help and knew they were going into the lion’s den to do so. Remind yourself that to those who loved them, he’s not just a fallen officer to add to the statistics, he was a husband.  A father.


This post was originally written on facebook in honor of fallen Officer Jason Moszer, who left behind a wife and two children.  He was killed in the line of duty, responding to a domestic dispute call.  Rest in peace, Officer Moszer, and thank you for giving your life to save the lives of two others.


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