Violet Angeline turns one exactly one week from today. So, in honor of her impending first/ golden birthday, we are going to do a post for her every day this week!
Brad and I are planners by nature. Before we even planned on having children we had names picked out for them- four names for each gender and the order they would be used. Years and years ago we had the perfect name picked for the perfect girl: Violet Angeline.
See, I lacked a maternal love growing up. The person that should have been mothering me would put on a smile and a show in public but behind closed doors everything was a very different story.
Names have a big meaning to me. The person who should have been mothering me once snapped at me “I hate everything about you… even your name!” That’s how I found out my dad picked my name. My children would have it better, I promised myself, my children would hear their name and know they were wanted and valued.
My grandma treated me better. I didn’t see her as much as I would have liked, but when I did, I felt at home. She loved me even when there was no one else around to see, saying kind things even when no one else was around to hear them. She made me feel wanted and valued.
Grandma’s name was Constance Violet and she was given the middle name Violet in honor of her maternal aunt, my great-grandma’s younger sister. Violet. A name with deep meaning in my family tree. Grandma was strong, kind, loving, street smart, feisty, and so much more. She was a wildflower.
I always imagined bringing a little pink bundle to my grandma. To show her her newest grandchild- and goodness did she love little ones- and tell her that this tiny baby bears her name. To let my grandma know just how special she was to me, how grateful I was to get to experience unconditional love from a maternal figure.
December 3rd 2014, I discovered I was pregnant and almost instantly had an inkling I was having a girl. I was also moving back to the same state as grandma. Everything was coming together.
A few weeks after Christmas, grandma came down with the flu. I visited her on Martin Luther King day. As a few of my aunts and dad were in the hallway talking to her doctor about the prognosis, I showed her my early ultrasounds. I told her that if this baby were a girl, I would name her Violet in honor of her. I kept the ultrasound out showing grandma as she lay in bed, my aunt came in and saw, congratulating me. I squeezed grandma’s hand, knowing that dementia may be wreaking havoc on her mind, but willing her soul to recognize this baby is for you. She died a week after, her funeral was on my birthday.
Make no mistake, grandma was close on Violet’s birth day. When we arrived home after having her, our yard was full of wild violas that weren’t there before. Like a little welcome home, a little sign of love. It was grandma squeezing my hand back.
My pregnancy was scary, but friends who knew my plans assured me your grandma was strong, so is her namesake. And they were right.
Angeline wasn’t chosen lightly either. Angeline is the French version of my younger sister’s name. My sister is incredible. She is beautiful, smart, driven, witty- and again- so much more. She is everything you could ask for in a person. My sister is my very best friend, no one knows my heart quite like her. Our closeness even extends to my children- she’s accurately dreamed and guessed the gender of each child almost instantly after hearing I was expecting.
Violet Angeline. You are our rainbow baby, born after years of losses and infertility. Fitting that your name is a color in the rainbow before we even knew you would be a rainbow. Your name invokes images of wildflowers and that’s a true match to your personality. Your middle name means “Angel messenger” and that’s so fitting for being our message of hope after so much loss and fear.
Your name can be found throughout our family tree. It is the name of strong women, the name of women who have persevered, the name of women with a little bit of feistiness to get them through. You are loved beyond measure and your name truly represents that.
Violet Angeline was on our “girl name” list when we were pregnant with Marshall. Chosen years before you were born and every step of the way to bringing you here the name was reinforced as the very best choice for our perfect little girl. We love you with all our hearts Vi, know that love echoes every time your name is called.