One thing I hope my children take away from their parents’ marriage is our love. We have never been a flashy couple, we aren’t a kind of romantic love story that would get a book or a movie based on it. But, God, do we love each other.
I think often people romanticize love to a point that is unreachable. I know I have. I have been guilty of nagging that there weren’t enough grand gestures, that the honeymoon feel of our relationship had faded. With time and growth, though, I see that it has gotten so much better and to instead cherish the small moments with big meaning.
Like the fact that Brad and I have a secret code. A type of pseudo Morse Code when we are holding hands. To privately remind one another that we love each other even when in a room full of people. And to let the other know when it’s time to leave. That is crucial.
The little smiles that we exchange throughout the day when surrounded by the human tornadoes that are our children.
When I’ve been sick, and my hands are too swollen and weak to brush my hair, I don’t even have to ask. He grabs a comb and we quietly talk about our day as he carefully brushes. Never pitying, never holding it over me, never mentioning it.
That I can wear sweatpants with a messy bun and he will still look at me with complete adoration, sincerely telling me how beautiful I am.
The fact that we are a team. No one has his back like I do and no one has mine like him. I know I never have to face anything alone.
We are also each other’s curators. I know his likes and dislikes better than anyone and it’s the same for him knowing me. I know his story, his views, his goals. And it matters. It matters that he cares so deeply about every detail and that I do too.
Even when things go awry, one of us freaks and the other is completely zen. We are pretty good at taking turns; perfectly yin and yang balancing one another.
Yes, I hope Vi doesn’t expect to meet a person who will fill a room with roses or surprise her with a trip to Ole Parí. I hope she aims for consistency. I hope she aims for someone who will always love her and always give as much of themself to her as possible. I hope she will return that love and consistently be there for them.
I don’t want Marshall to expect the relationship to always have the bright sparks that first ignite the relationship. I hope he instead finds the beauty in the everyday. That sometimes the very best moments are when you are just quietly sitting in the same room with one another; being there. Find a person that he can’t remember life without and never wants to picture what it would be without.
Instead of Francesca expecting top notch love letters that are worthy of print, I hope she finds someone who makes her laugh. I hope that she can find a person she can say anything to without fear of losing love or respect.
Our first date wasn’t sitcom worthy, our wedding wasn’t fancy, and our story may not be unforgettable to most. But it’s real, it’s ours, and- while surely flawed- it’s pretty dang perfect. It’s a love I can only hope my children get to have when they grow.