I Will Not Tame Her

In honor of Vi’s upcoming birthday.
Celebrating her strength and all the fierce little girls who have been told they need to be tamed.

We were at the local Mommys’ Group; I was sitting in a circle of other moms with our tiny babies.  Franki was on her little blanket snuggled in, refusing to do tummy time; Marshall ran about with the older boys, pretending to be airplanes with their arms outstretched wide.  Vi was in a play pirate ship with a boy who is more than twice her age. Continue reading

Paternity Leave


When we lived in Kansas City, Brad worked for a department that was short-staffed and overworked at the time.  He was only 24 and I was still a baby at 22, we lived about 8 hours from all of our family when Marshall was born.  The day we came home from the hospital- less than 48 hours after giving birth to our first- Brad went back to work leaving me alone with this new little life to figure out how to take care of.  All while healing myself.  He was disappointed that he didn’t get as much bonding time with his new son as he would like, but we needed the income and feared him losing his job if he didn’t return to work asap.  We made it work, but it was hard and stressful on the both of us.

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Mommy Thievery

I have to confess: I am a mommy thief.  Allow me to explain.  There have been a few past posts that have casually mentioned in passing how I don’t/ didn’t have a mother of my own.  That’s a long, ugly, and dark back history that we won’t delve into today.  Instead, let me tell you about the moms I have gleaned expertise from. Continue reading

Pumpkin Carving (and Treats!)

My grandmother was a short little Italian woman, who lived through the Great Depression, and was a devout Roman Catholic.  She was very poor for the good portion of her life, but she showed her love through food.  One thing she would often say (after “mangia, mangia!”; Italian for “eat, eat!”) was that wasting was sinning.  I often hear her words when it comes to various things, and pumpkin carving is no different!

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Baby Number _?

Sometimes I struggle with what number pregnancy I should call this.  At every doctor’s appointment and ultrasound I’m asked “And what number pregnancy is this?”  There, I know I am to include all my pregnancies.  Even those I never got to bring home.  “Six.” I say, it still stings every time the words fall from my lips.  “And how many live births have you had?” Sometimes they say this with a smile, but most of the time when a person as young as me has had so many pregnancies they know the numbers won’t match.  “Two.” why can’t I look them in the eye when I say this?  I still carry some shame, still blame myself.  I know it’s ridiculous, I know it makes no sense but grief- even when healed- doesn’t make sense. Continue reading

Dog Days Departure 

Just hours from Canada, summer is definitely winding down.  The heat and humidity has started to waver in favor of high 60s to low 70s, even some of our small trees have decided to start changing colors in preparation for fall.  This is my favorite time of the season, this is bliss.

Gone are the days of late October color change in Kansas City, now it starts for us in August here in northern MN

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